I resolve to.....

As I sit on the threshold of a new year, the traditional exercise of setting resolutions is too hard to resist. There are the standard ones, and ones that seem to be ALWAYS on my list, lose weight, save money... you know those elusive goals 98% of people seem to focus on. And yes, for me, they are still wonderful things to work to obtain. But this year, partially because of Leslie's new blog, I am asking myself a different question.

What qualities in me do I want to work on to make more supportive and positive than they have been in the past. You see, the truth is, those things that weigh us down are often qualities are are also a gigantic positive for the majority of the time. What are those things in you that you need to create more balance with?

Here are a few of mine. I encourage you to take a moment and think about who you are and how you can be a better version of yourself. For after all, in the end, I am a typo... I don't know about you...

COMPETITIVE

There is no doubt I am competitive. That drive to be the best has taken me a long way. It also has held me back and distracted me at times from other important things. I have rarely accepted the idea that I cannot achieve anything I set my mind to. Reality is, we are not in control of everything around us. So sometimes, I fall short.

Real Estate is a perfect foil for my competitive edge. I am a great Realtor and I have achieved a lot in the time I have been working in this business. I have been the #1 agent in Mill Valley at one time. That was a good feeling for a minute, because as things go, I wasn't the #1 later. At some point I readjusted my idea of success and tried to be happy with being a top Mill Valley agent (as in top 10). But honestly, really honestly, I am not a happy person about someone else doing better than me. That is brutally honest. I am happy when I am the best. This is something I need to work on.

In the Susan G Komen 3 day, I have been the #3 and #4 top fundraiser in the walks I have participated in. Seeing other's fundraising usurp mine and move me from #1 to #3, was hard to watch. I can't control this. I imagined they planned on late contributions just to beat me! But I worked at being happy for them and for Susan G Komen. Because I had to work soooo hard at this, the time I spent doing that, took away from the meaning of how well I had actually done. But luckily I never forgot WHY I was doing this. Meeting the people I have me along the way in this journey has reminded me what the real prize is... and how important it is. That I think is where we need to put our focus... on the WHY.

The WHY is to end Cancer, to support others, to help build awareness.If I have someone around me who has the potential to do that better than me this year I will relish in the feeling of helping them do that. I love watching Myriam (my partner) build her confidence and business, especially since it is our business. If I help others be successful then part of their success is mine!

EXCESSIVE

Is a little enough? Can I stand to do things part way? Well, I look around my house and in our basement and I would say... sure doesn't look like it. Yes I am excessive. I almost never do anything part way. If I do, I feel less than complete. I cook for a party and I cook enough food for an army and with the best. I throw out the budget and the calorie concerns and cook for a week.

This excessiveness has led to some wonderful creative events and moments. Because I have the ability to throw out the "cant's" somehow that becomes possible. And WHY I do this is I want the people around me to enjoy life. I like seeing them enjoy what I create. Now though, I see the remnants of this excessive life, and feel those things are not the point at all. The moment is. So my challenge will be to create the moments without the excess of things. Walks at Point Reyes, sailing on the boat, soup parties (being ok with a pot luck)...yep there is a lot I can do to refocus this area.

SELF CRITICAL

Criticism can help you be better. To evaluate what you do and how you do it can help you to fine tune and improve. Sort of like this posting, I am looking at what works and what doesn't. However for me that criticism can sometimes be overly harsh. Especially in the past my weight helped define how I felt about myself. In the efforts to be perfect I didn't allow myself the chance to be human. I had to be GOOD all the time or I would be very BAD. I was either "on program" or I was "cheating". Still (and Christmas is a great example) if I eat a cookie, I eat all the cookies as if by eating them I destroy the evidence of having had one.

Having one cookie, one piece of chocolate has never been something I have been able to do. It comes from a perfectionism that is not healthy. WHY do I do this? It is partially about what others think of me, but it is largely what I have come to expect from myself. If I look closer at this is directly related to that competitive side of me. It is seeing things in excess. GOOD, BAD... no shades of grey for me. And for me the answer has to be the same... refocus.

Can I accept being #2, being the weight I am at the moment, scaling back,making a mistake? If I do these things what would it give me?

To use competitiveness in a more constructive way: Being ok with #2 or 3 or 4 or even 25 would give me the ability to focus on helping others do more. If more people, do more, we all are better off. Especially when it comes to raising money for a great cause like ending Cancer.

To avoid excess: if I focus on the quality of my time with friends and use the beauty of what is around us to be our venue, then I will be able to give more of myself to them and me. I won't be left with bills or boxes of excess. I will be filled with memories and moments.

To allow for a mistake: If I take the focus off perfection I can enjoy everything more. If I focus on health versus weight that would be much easier. My walking and taking time to attend to myself is that kind of "treat" that is far more valuable than a cookie. But one cookie shouldn't lead to a dozen if I allow imperfection. It would feel good to allow the same understanding I have of others for myself.

No one on December 31st has a clue whether this retrospection and planning will ultimately result in change. But without taking the time to really access where you are you have no idea of where to go. I hope in 2012, I am able to make some progress on these three areas of my life. I wish for you a year that you are able to create full of what you value in your life.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

DONATE to my WALK.... I still have a goal of $17,000 . You sure don't want me to get to $16,999!

www.the3day.org/goto/donatetocathy