Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I suppose the first time I thought about my own death was when I was a little kid. I don't know why. I am told that isn't really a normal thought for kids to have, but I used to have that thought on a regular basis. It wasn't as if there was a lot of dying going on around me. I had all four grandparents and they were a big part of my life, but every once in awhile, my heart would race and I would be swallowed by fear, break into a sweat and think, one day, I am going to die.
Since then I have experienced the passing of people I loved. All four grandparents eventually passed away. First my grandmother (the daughter of the two people in the photos above). She died in 1964 when I was 11. Then my grandmother back east, dying of bone cancer, followed by her husband while I was in high school. The last to go was my grandfather Dietel, who in his passing showed great wisdom and strength battling cancer for all of his adult life, passing at the age of 81. From each of the events, my understanding of life grew as I dealt with their deaths. Because after they were gone, life did indeed go on. All those trite sayings resounded in my ears, "they are never truly gone, they live within your heart." And I found most trite sayings are based in the truth (that's why people say them over and over).
Some of our parents leave us slowly. Dementia, debilitating illness are thieves stealing the quality of the time we have with our loved ones. How in the world does one come to deal with all of this?
As I dealt with the diagnosis of Cancer, I truly avoided thinking about my own mortality. I focused on the day in front of me. I was in survival mode. There were times when I consciously thought, that even though I didn't feel so great, I owed it my children, husband and my friends to show up and be present in my life. I found in doing that I was relishing every minute. There were some rich and most meaningful moments, lived in this time of illness. But I ran from my mortality by avoiding thinking of it. I was too frightened to look.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
1. Tucker did not land on his feet, He landed on his back. As he was up in the air, he was slightly off target so he twisted to try and get the ball. He missed it, landed on his back and his foot followed. "It was ugly."
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
My plan was to walk as far as 7.5 miles and turn around. But... as I zig zagged my way through Sausalito, it became apparent, I would have to extend my walk somehow to break my old record of 14.5 miles. When I got to Fort Baker and Cavallo Point the pedometer read 6.2 miles, not nearly far enough. I looked up at bridge and thought, "why did I come all this way to the bridge if I am not going to cross it?" It seemed logical...I could cross and I would definitely break the old record in the process. So up and over I went.
So I walked on to the sign for our neighborhood and sat on Tia's bench to wait. After a few minutes Glenn did arrive and gave me a lift to our home. The pedometer read...18.39 miles!
My Saturday walk begs the question... does Cathy really walk on water? I will get to that ASAP...
Please send in your RSVP for Wine Wars... the NOT to be missed event of the season!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
When Sophie met Tucker for the first time........
I grabbed their leashes and slapped them on, and we headed out. About 20 yards down the road, I remembered WHY I don't like to walk the dogs in the neighborhood. Down the street were two dogs coming up the hill. When Tucker saw them he immediately turned on Sophie. He sounded as if he was going to kill her. Can anyone explain to me WHY he does this???? I spent the next couple of minutes apologizing for the ruckus and settling the dogs down. As we headed down the hill, Tucker decided he probably would have preferred to stay home and turned his head to go back. I looked him square in the eye to let him know, this was not an option. He looked back and I could see his resolve soften... but only a little. As we headed off, he dilly dallied and stopped about a million times; looked at me with that expression that says... "I told you I didn't want to go!"
Making the turn for home the terrain becomes a steep uphill climb. There was a time when I could hardly make it up he hill. Most certainly I would have to stop to catch my breath. As my training has advanced so has my stamina. I made it home without much effort and felt full of energy and ready for more. I looked at the pedometer. .5 miles. OH REALLY!
I started zig zagging hoping that would add steps to the walk, but despite this I came home with a total of 3.5 miles. I headed off to work to pick up a few papers. I had a pest inspection scheduled at 1. I thought about that .5 miles and decided... I would walk from my house UP to the inspection.
No inspector I know wears a tie!
After the inspection was over, I walked back down to the house.... GRAND TOTAL 4.021 miles!There you go... determination paid off and I made my goal.It makes me think about those people walking in Florida or Kansas. 60 miles there will certainly be a big feat, but how does it compare to SF hills? Let's just say, every place must have its challenges. For us it will be hills. For Florida maybe the heat. Kansas maybe a tornado?!
What is true is the time commitment each and every woman and man is making to walk in this event. It isn't just the event itself it is the days and days of training leading up to the event. It's the blisters and the leg cramps and the sunburns and the headaches when you aren't hydrated or nourished well enough. Its your husband asking if you can come sailing and you having to consider whether you can also get in your training walk. Its the fundraising, being the nag on the block who has their hand out. But... it is also, accomplishment, purpose and unbelievably rewarding. It allows you to find yourself, rediscover your friends and make a difference.
For me, it allows me to finally feel I have the upper hand on Breast Cancer. This walk was given me the biggest gift of all ...a full and meaningful life. And it has given me the chance to maybe, just maybe help others discover their lives too. If you imagine that there are thousands of women on this same journey, the collective power of all this self discovery is so overwhelming, it could move mountains (or at least make them easier to climb), or cure cancer.PLEASE JOIN us by donating, or attending our WINE WARS (email me at firstname.lastname@example.org)
You and we , will be so glad you did!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
But one brave bunny stayed close enough for us to see the white of his eye.(Or is that red eye from the camera???)
Now I am getting ready for the week ahead. I am making myself a promise to make an hour here or there for my walks and maybe even yoga. These times help me navigate the stress and demands of selling houses in a less than robust market. It helps me put into perspective the concerns of clients and co-workers. Somehow those times of freedom, make me stronger for the times I am committed to others. I do believe they help make me just a wee bit more sane.
As we move closer to our event, I have to encourage you to send in your RSVPs to Wine Wars. For insurance purposes we need confirmed guests. If you haven't gotten an invitation, just ask and I will send you one. Can you think about a better way to spend a Thursday than sipping wine, listening to great music and fighting breast cancer?! I think not! Email me at email@example.com